Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
