doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
