My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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