Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
