I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
