can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
