So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
