Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
