I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
