weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
