Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
