It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
