I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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