I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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