You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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