i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
