So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
