fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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