If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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