you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
