she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
