This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
