Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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