The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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