Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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