i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
