she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
