haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
