I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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