I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
