Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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