Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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