Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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