i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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