Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
