Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
