Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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