didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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