my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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