So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
