I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
