We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
