I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
now i know why i became what i already was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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you inspire me to be a worse person
Houston, we have a blender
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize