Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
