I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
