Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize