I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
