My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
