Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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