Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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