I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
