i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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