Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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