as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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