Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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