at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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