Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
