I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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