she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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