He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
