also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
