just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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