I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
