Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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