1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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