At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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