Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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