Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
