genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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