it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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