She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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