Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
