I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
